Spreadsheet Marketer Logic

We only send one email a month? The emails are 500 words each, don’t overtly sell, and are designed to offer our audience helpful information? The last one moved $3 million in product and we have 60% open rates?

Why not send more? Two per week will get us $6 million. Wait, if we send one every week, that’s $12 million. Hell, let’s send one a day! And why stop there? If we email people every hour on the hour, every goddamned day of their miserable, meaningless lives, we will make $3 million every 60 minutes! That’s $72 million every day―for 22 days every month! (We won’t send email on weekends. We don’t want to overdo it.)

What do you mean that’s unsustainable? What do you mean people will get “burned out?” Why do you keep talking about “goodwill”? Say again? You don’t want to sell now, you want to sell five years from now? What does that mean? What’s all this nonsense about “building relationships”? No, stop. Stop! I don’t want to hear about “community.” These people aren’t “community members.” They are not our “audience.” They are not our “partners in crime.” They’re not even “customers.” They are data points in Excel. I ran the formulas and I know what I’m talking about. NOW START CRANKING.